


Have you Ever been Lost Before?

by AparadiseLost



Category: The Magicians
Genre: Disordered Eating, Dominance, Eating Disorder Awareness, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Girl On Girl, Purging, Smutty, Vulnerability, andricker - Freeform, queliot, wickoff, wiski
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-27
Updated: 2019-05-30
Packaged: 2020-03-20 05:04:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,726
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18985858
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AparadiseLost/pseuds/AparadiseLost
Summary: Set somewhere between 4x01-4x06. Kady and Marina 23 form an unlikely emotional and physical connection which becomes interwoven with Kady helping Marina battle the magical equivalence to what we, in this timeline here on earth, would describe as an eating disorder.





	1. My Neck, My....Yack?

**Author's Note:**

> So this concept I’m going for here is tricky to prerequisite, but what I’m trying to do is channel the internal psychology of an eating disorder but under the guise of magical intervention, as I feel like most psychological/emotional problems are metaphorically conveyed on the magicians. 
> 
> This pairing entered my head one day and nagged at me like a bug until I did something about it, so here it is. I wanted with these characters, to tackle some emotional vulnerability, as well as some dominance/submissive back and forth-I feel like these characters both need to learn to accept vulnerability through ways of letting go of control, which is I think part of what makes me enjoy the idea of them together so much.
> 
> Also, this is my first time posting anything on here and I’m an insecure piece of shit, so any responses/feedback you guys have is greatly appreciatedXD enjoy guys.

 

Kady couldn’t be blamed... well I mean, she didn’t exactly plan for this to happen. And besides it wasn’t her fault all the other beds and couches in Marina’s flashy two story apartment were already being occupied by the rest of the magicians. Kady was beginning to wonder if the stiff neck she’d acquired from sleeping on the living room arm chair for the last six nights would ever go away.

 _’You know I wasn’t kidding when I said you could sleep in my bed’_  a sing-songy voice rang through Kady’s ears, interrupting her new routinely p.m venture to the kitchen to ice her neck. Kady recognized the voice but refused to turn around and acknowledge the girl. “Fine,” the voice giggled, casually inching closer, replacing the ice pack on Kady’s neck with her hands, tenderly massaging the aching area.

What happened from that point forward probably shouldn’t have happened. Kady hadn’t forgotten the history that she and Marina shared, well the history that her and Marina 40 shared, Marina 23 wasn’t exactly the same. She was like Marina 40 but with double the sarcasm, triple the mystery, and quadruple the sex appeal.

 

* * *

 

 

Marina flicks a playful wink in Kady’s direction, her pale lanky legs double crossed at the thigh and ankle. Kady can’t stop the grin from tagging along with her eye-roll as she puts her pen down and addresses the witch who she may or may not have had a little too much fun with the previous night.

“You wanna grab some breakfast?” Kady offers, slicing through the wall of residual sexual tension that had built up in the room over the course of the morning. Both of them trying to focus on their own separate responsibilities, with their minds both secretly abandoning them to venture back to images of their intimate experience.

”I am _not_  going through that again,” Marina replies hastily. “Something seriously doesn’t mix between the food in this timeline and my digestive system.” She shutters in disgust. “Pass.”

Almost immediately after Marina’s mysterious appearance in timeline 40, she made the tragic mistake of scarfing down some far-too-long-neglected leftovers from the fridge, sending her keeled over the toilet for the remainder of the day and half the night. Kady could hear the violent sounds of the girl wretching from halfway down the hallway but didn’t put much thought into it at the time, aside from sharing a couple cruel jokes over it with Margo.

Truth be told, Marina 23 was a little bit too intimidating for the magicians of timeline 40 to handle, even for miss tough girl Kady.

“Come on, don’t tell me you still haven’t eaten anything.. since... it’s been nearly a week Marina!” Kady pieces the situation together out loud and is instantly met with a harsh pang of guilt for her lack of previous thought on the matter. How long was the group going to continue to let Marina believe she was actually allergic to the food of timeline 40?

“Marina what you ate was beyond expired, I promise not all the food here will do that to you. Come on, this ends now, I can see you rib cage through your shirt.” Kady should have put this together last night, based on the way Marina fell almost completely limp on top of her after she finished, as if the orgasm required more energy than she had in her.

Marina pulls her knees up in front of her chest defensively as she studies the curly haired taller girl, still contemplating Kady’s words.

“You know I had never vomited in my entire life before that. Ever.” Marina states bluntly.

“What?”

“The medicinal magic is far more advanced in 23, the second you feel an in-cling of nausea, a simple spell can dissipate it almost instantly. And food where I’m from never even gets, what you just called, ‘ _expired_ ’,” Marina continues, “there’s far too many advancements in chemical preservation for that.”

Kady continues to bridge the disconnect. Wow, shit really was different in timeline 23.

“And...It came out of my nose” Marina shutters, her piercing blue eyes wide and vacant.

Hearing Marina talk of her experience only intensified Kady’s guilt. Everyone in the house, herself included, had been so wrapped up in their own separate crisis’s to even put a second thought into the situation.

“Okay, gross, come on, I’m cooking you something, you don’t have a choice.” Kady commands, snapping her file folder shut and grabbing the witch by the hand, leading her out the bedroom and downstairs to the kitchen.

Kady scours the fridge for something to make, there isn’t much to work with, but she eventually gathers together the supplies to make breakfast sandwiches.

“Heyyyy, look who’s channeling their inner house wife,” Penny chirps as he joins the girls, scooting one of the high top chairs out and plopping himself down on it next to Marina.

Kady turns around, spatula in hand sending him a glare and raised eye-brows.

“Will you make me some too please chef Kady? I’m starving,” Penny pleads.

“Fine, fine,” Kady replies, turning back around to face the stove. The kitchen grows silent, save for the sizzling of eggs in the skillet.

“Well this is awkward,” Penny observes after a few moments, “did I interrupt something?” He asks with a smirk, the rest of the house must have started to put together by now that Kady wound up in Marina’s bed last night, if they noticed her missing from the living room chair when they woke up. And the girls hadn’t exactly been, uh, quiet, which must not have helped the cause.

Marina rests her head on her arm atop the counter, subtly trying to shake off a wave of lightheadedness, the smell of the food somehow making it more difficult.

Kady directs Penny’s attention towards Marina with a stern head nod, “will you keep an eye on that please, homegirl’s experience the other night caused her to lose her appetite.”

Penny chuckles, “not gunna lie Marina, me and Q made a game out of guessing how many times you threw up that night, had to have been at least 15, 20.”

“24” Marina replies softly into her elbow. All this talk of vomit wasn’t helping her dizziness.

Penny’s demeanor begins to shift as he looks back at Marina, her pale, twiggy arms covered in goosebumps. “Um you don’t look great, I’m gunna help you over to the couch.” Penny places a hand on the small girl’s back as he gets up to assist her to the other room.

Marina lifts her head from the counter a little too quickly. Sitting upright, her eyes are glossed over with a hazy blur and black dots cloud her vision, before she can even take one step, the black dots increase in size until they encapsulate her sight entirely. Marina’s posture collapses in submission.

Penny’s left arm juts out just in time to wedge itself between the edge of the counter and Marina’s head, fatefully preventing what could have been a tragic collision. His right arm instinctually scoops up the back of her knees, lifting her up like a child and carrying her to the couch.

“Fuck!” Kady exclaims, dropping the spatula to the floor as she rushes over to kneel beside Marina’s face which now lay lifelessly on the couch. “Elevate her legs!” She directs Penny who had taken a small step back in panic. Kady learned during her time spent as Sam that elevating the legs of an unconscious person helps redirect blood flow back to the brain.

The commotion attracts the attention of Julia and Quentin who funnel in from the other room. “Oh my god, what’s going on!?” Quentin exclaims.

Julia rushes to action, hurriedly wetting a face cloth and grabbing some ice from the freezer, turning off the burner while she’s at it, which was about to char the eggs. She wedges herself in front of Q and Penny, placing the cold cloth on Marina’s forehead. “She looks so pale,” Julia whispers, her brow furrowed in worry, now would be a great time for some of those god-like powers to kick back in.

The placement of the cold cloth on her forehead causes Marina’s unconscious body to wince, a small groan emits from her throat and it’s not long before her eyes snap open. For a moment she just stares up at the four faces looming over her, all of which are intently staring down at her. It’s a strange sight to wake to, and it takes her a hard couple of seconds to even remember who these people were.

“Wha-the, how did I...?” Marina stutters half inaudibly. “Oh thank god,” Kady lets out a long breath, placing her hand on her own racing heart in relief. She can’t believe the amount of care and concern she was experiencing towards a girl she could barely stand to look at just 24 hours ago.

Marina struggles to prop herself up on her elbow only to be gently pushed back down by Kady, who insists she keep her head down. "Please just relax,” Kady coos as she runs a hand through the brunette’s sweat soaked hair. Marina wants to object, but she has less energy than even she is aware of. Her reply comes out as more of a stuttered wimper than actual words, still in the process of returning back to the current reality.

“What‘s wrong with her?” Quentin asks in a soft tone as he sinks down into the chair behind him.

“Low blood pressure I bet, she needs to eat,” Kady gets up and heads back toward the stove top, Julia resumes her position as nurse, tending to the cloth on Marina’s forehead.

Marina closes her eyes, submitting to the confusion, frustration, and embarrassment of the moment. She nestles her forehead into Julia’s palm as a silent thank you. She’s disappointed in herself, she’s supposed to be stronger than this, these people weren’t supposed to see her weak.

Penny goes over to assist Kady in plating the food quickly. It wasn’t exactly Kady’s best work, but anything would do at this point, hell she could have just shoved a piece of bread down the girl’s throat if she had known how dire this situation was about to become.

“Okay Marina, you gotta eat this food.” Penny declares, following Kady back over to the couch. Kady kneels down next to Julia, carefully placing a second pillow underneath Marina’s head, propping her up a little more.

“I’m scared.” Marina whispers, eyes still closed, she burrows her head further into Julia’s palm. “The smell of the food. It made me dizzy, I swear I remember right before I fainted. I know I’m allergic-I don’t want to be sick again, please.”

“Please Marina, just have a little bit, I promise you’ll be okay,” Kady pleads, holding a fork full of scrambled eggs in front of the girl’s nose. There is a brief pause.

Marina isn’t trying to be difficult, she wants this situation to be over more than anyone. This was just about as embarrassing as the time she peed herself during the fifth grade play. She feels vulnerable and exposed. Weak. She wants to do whatever she can to just regain her strength and forget this ever happened, but every fiber of her inner being warns her not to take a bite of the food. But at the same time, following her intuition was also what lead her here; unconscious and in a sweaty heap on the couch, being treated like a charity case by the girl she just scored and some other practical strangers.

Marina opens her eyes half way, just enough to catch eye contact with Kady who’s brown eyes had been searching for hers. She immediately feels the love dripping off Kady’s expression, and it’s enough to sway her into the first bite, gently taking the fork from Kady’s hand, she was not about to be hand fed like a literal baby although something inside her skips at that fact that Kady was about to do that for her.

The group lets out a communal sigh of relief, Julia gets up to fetch Marina a glass of water, Quentin sits back in his chair, eyes fixated on the ceiling. “Wait a minute, did she say she thinks she’s allergic... to the food in this timeline?” Penny ponders for a moment, his voice is a little too low to reach Marina’s audible range, “well I guess that would explain why i’ve also felt a little...” Kady whips her head around harshly, willing him with her eyes to shut his mouth. Marina needed food in her system and there were no if’s, and’s, or but’s about it to Kady.

Marina chews for a long time, the food tastes a lot different from what she‘s used to in her timeline, but nonetheless her taste buds applaud her wildly for the effort. Marina forces herself to swallow, part of her still trying to reject the substance. The first bite was the hardest, it grew easier from there. Thankfully, the crowd dwindled down, leaving Marina alone again with Kady, making the whole thing a little easier.

Even though she was fully clothed, Marina felt far more exposed right now in front of Kady than she had at any point last night. Marina put the fork back down on the plate that Kady was still holding for her, “I’m sorry, I can’t anymore,” Kady looks down at the half eaten meal and reluctantly decides to accept, she expected worse and would undoubtedly try again later. Kady puts the plate down on the ground and allows her fingers to return to Marina’s hair, massaging her scalp soothingly.

Marina starts to feel better almost immediately, the hazy fog that had clouded her brain over the last few days finally showing signs of relief, her heart catching up to speed with its usual rhythm. She uses her small surge of energy to reach up for Kady’s waist, pulling her down until she is laying down with her on the coach. Kady complies happily, snuggling the witch against her body, tangling up in a way so that every part of their bodies are touching.

“Kady... thank you...” Marina stutters, the emotions she‘s experiencing are way too complex to put into words. She‘s still embarrassed as all hell, but at the same time, she‘s never felt more loved in her entire life. She nestles her head in Kady’s chest, finding peace in the sound of the girl’s steady heartbeat.

Kady vows to wait for Marina to fall asleep soundly before doing anything, maybe she would have Penny carry the witch back upstairs to her bedroom so the two of them could wake up together and start this whole day over again. But somewhere along the execution of that plan, Kady begins to doze off herself, their breathing synchronizing, limbs tied up together. Kady felt someone place a blanket on top of them at some point, but she was way too far into her dozed state to bother to see who it was.

In what felt like the final moment before Kady’s mind permanently switched off, she felt a sudden jolt from the small girl beside her. Kady’s eyes shot open to see Marina leaning over her, vomiting mercilessly onto the hardwood floor over the side of the couch.

“Shit.”

This problem with Marina wasn’t going to be as easy to solve as she had originally planned. 

* * *

 


	2. You feel that?

Kady jumps into action, no time to think. She slithers out from under the blanket and runs over to the kitchen, grabbing the nearest thing she could find for Marina to vomit into, which happens to be a small garbage bin. Tears stream down Marina’s face as she continues to spit up chunks of what Kady fed her. “Okay honey lets get you to the bathroom,” Kady prods, wrapping her arm around Marina’s waist and pulling her up. She practically drags Marina’s shaking body down the hallway to the nearest bathroom. Marina slinks down in front of the toilet just in time to endure a second wave, followed by some strangled heaving.

“You don’t have to stay here for this,” Marina chokes between heaves, “I know this is gross.”

“It’s okay, I can handle it,” Kady seats herself behind Marina, legs straddling around either side of her, back pressed against the wall, creating a sturdy place for the shivering witch to lean back on in between rounds of torture. “As long as you want me here.”

Marina hits the point where she‘s just heaving, occasionally spitting up some clear fluid. When she finally feels her stomach is empty she sways back into Kady’s embrace, climbing up her lap showing an almost aggressive amount of affection, which sends a delightful spark through Kady’s chest. Kady feels Marina’s tear stained cheek against her neck and instinctively wraps her arm around the girl’s back, securing her in her arms.

After what feels like a lifetime, Marina decides she’s had enough of the snuggle/vomit fest her day has become; something inside of her switches. “Hey, I’m gunna take a shower,” she whispers into Kady’s ear, “I probably reek of stomach acid.”

The curly haired girl chuckles and eases her grip, “are you going to be... you know... okay?” Kady asks, honestly unsure of what to do in the current situation. She looks into the smaller girl’s eyes, trying to gage her strength levels. It didn’t seem like she was on the verge of passing out again, and her eyes had reclaimed that familiar Marina 23 playful glimmer, not as strong as usual, but definitely there.

“I’ll be alright nurse Jackie, you’ve already done too much, I hate that I’m keeping you from your work,” Marina musters up her best brave face as she elevates herself out of Kady’s arms. Of course, only Marina’s unfortunate luck would have her balance falter in that particular moment, causing Kady to jump up on instinct and secure Marina in her arms again. Marina palms her face at the untimely coincidence, the two of them emitting giggles of relief.

“Oh my god, please tell me you’re not going to react like that every time I trip over my own two feet, I’m a clumsy bitch and that’s a lot of paranoia.” Marina puts her hands on her hips, her fingers wrap a little further around her waistline than she is comfortable with.

“I’m sorry!” Kady giggles, “you’re going to have to give me some time to get over it.”

If Marina wasn’t so hellbent on relocating the dignity she had steadily lost over the course of the morning, she may have found Kady’s concern more endearing.

Kady can sense that she is being pushed away, she’s used to that. Maybe she is taking this whole caretaker role a little too far-if Marina wants some space, she should respect that. It’s just that, Kady had been looking for something more meaningful to expend her energy on. She sort of knew that there was no real use clinging on to what remained of Sam’s detective work, and this Marina situation just sort of just fell into her lap-almost literally.

“Look Kady I...” Marina finally meets the curly haired girl’s eyes.

Marina is aware that emotions aren’t really within her realm of expertise, unless you mean ignoring them that is. But something felt very deeply wrong about shutting Kady out right now, especially after everything that went down today. Marina was used to ignoring this feeling; usually right about now she would readjust her cold face, remind herself that this was the way she had to be, and continue building that whole ‘I’m strong I don’t need you’ front. But truthfully, Marina had felt more alone over the last week than ever before. Being stripped of everything she once knew in timeline 23 and thrown amongst this group of friends who all care so deeply about each other, for no reason whatsoever other than just simply because they do.

When she first arrived, that very same observation infuriated her, ‘these idiots don’t know the first thing about getting what they want from each other,’ she remembers muttering to herself. Now, nearly a week into her time with them, with the possibility that she may never make it back to 23 growing more and more real each day, she thinks she is starting to understand it, that whole giving a shit thing.

“Kady I already don’t know how to express enough of a thank you for what you’ve done for me, and the more you keep helping me, the more that feeling of ‘not knowing how to repay you’ is gunna grow and I don’t know how to handle it.” Marina admits in pure honesty, the words stumble out of her mouth, she hates how exposed they make her feel. But Kady’s face is so soft, as she tenderly listens and validates every single one of them. “And I’m um, I guess I’m also a little scared, to let someone, you know, in.” She feels Marina relax a little in her embrace, the admission although hard to say, feels good to be off her chest.

“You don’t need to repay me. I don’t really feel like I have any other choice at this point other than to help you, so please don’t feel guilty about it.” Kady pauses with a long exhale accompanied by a prolonged gaze down at the distressed girl laying in her arms. Kady can’t really distinguish how much of the grey coloring under her eyes is from runny makeup verses how much is from exhaustion. But god were those eyes blue, their sting refusing to be hidden behind the straggling dirty blond hairs that had abandoned her ponytail long ago.

Kady reaches a soft hand out and brushes the rebellious strands from Marina’s forehead, tucking them behind her ear. “And I know we haven’t known each other that long,” she blushes, “but so far, I really like you. And I promise that no matter what happens, I’m not gunna hurt you, or let you continue to be sick alone. We’re gunna figure this out together.”

The sensation of Kady’s fingers on her forehead sends what feels like electromagnetic shocks through Marina’s blood stream. Marina feels her chest being weighed down by heaps of water baskets, overflowing at the brim, slowly drowning her from the inside out. She has no will left in her to fight off the tear so she lets it fall, tickling her cheek before it’s swiftly caught by Kady’s thumb.

It was time to respond to this in the best way Marina knows how. The girl quickly lifts her stained pajama shirt up and over her head, kicking her shorts off as well.

Marina silently prays that Kady won’t look too closely at her bony body, or at least that she won’t say anything about it. Her dignity clearly still a little damaged from the events of the morning. Thankfully, Kady’s gaze never leaves those blue sapphires, as she lifts her own hands up and unbuttons her blouse as well, leaning over to turn the shower nozzle. The two of them climb under the warm stream of water, Kady immediately reassuming her role as nurse, positioning Marina in a way in which she is supporting a portion of her weight, while her hands run themselves through the witches now fully wet hair. Marina thinks about objecting to the patient treatment but she admittedly does still feel a little weak, and the hot steam of the shower is bound to not help.

Once again, for what feels like the fiftieth time today, she submits to Kady, allowing herself to become putty in her hands-the hands that are now sailing up and down her stomach, chest, and legs with a bar of soap. Marina knows that Kady is trying to be platonic, but she’s having a hard time hiding how turned on she is increasingly growing. Fuck it.

“If your intention here is to one up that massage move I pulled on you last night, you win,” Marina husks, trying her best not to lose control of her breath completely. Kady just laughs, continuing her trail up Marina’s leg. “Uhg please stop acting like you don’t know what you’re doing,” the witch whines, leaning her head back onto Kady’s shoulder, her back arching as she grants both of Kady’s hands full access to her body.

Kady accepts the invitation, running her hands lightly along the surface of Marina’s alert nipples, enjoying the symphonies of pleasure she’s producing from the small woman. The bar of soap drops from Kady’s hand and onto the ground with a thud and Marina uses that as her cue to regain control. She whips her head around and staples her lips to Kady’s as if being pulled by a magnetic force.

Without allowing their lips to disengage, Marina grabs the back of Kady’s head in an almost aggressive manor, Kady’s slight startle only turning her on even more. She continues to battle Kady’s tongue while slowly releasing her grip on the girl’s wet curls, gradually letting moving her hand over until it brushes ever so gently across the curly haired girl’s forehead. Marina hopes to send even one one hundredth of the electricity through Kady’s blood as was sent through her own just minutes earlier.

Kady clings to shower railing with one arm, trying her best to not to let her two of them fall over as her other hand desperately runs through the soft skin on the back of Marina’s neck. She feels Marina’s long fingers gravitate towards her core, tantalizing her center. “I’m winning this game,” Marina whispers into Kady’s ear, breaking their locked lips and turning her around with authority.

Kady complies, allowing Marina to massage her most sensitive spot, her pace increasing quickly. ‘What in the hell have I started.’ Kady pleads to herself. Marina’s fingers dip inside of her, craftily dancing with her insides. Kady can’t help but let out multiple loud, shriek-like moans of pleasure, only causing the witch to choreograph her fingers faster, feverishly exploring the pleasure seeking cavity of Kady’s core. Kady shakes and gasps, grinding her hips into Marina’s hand maniacally. “Oh yeah?” Marina torments her, “that’s all you got?” She asks, moving her lips over to the girl’s neck, sending shivers up Kady’s spine.

Marina delves her fingers a notch deeper, causing a final frantic shriek to escape Kady’s mouth and her to finish with a harsh shake. Marina would have never pegged Kady to be this vocal, I mean she knew the girl could sing, but, damn was she sexy when she screamed like that. The two of them are on the shower floor now, Marina keeps Kady pinned down from behind and continues massaging her clit as she rides out the intense waves of pleasure that the witch just produced from her.

“You’ve got a real talent,” Kady stammers as she feels the final waves crash from her, trying to re-stabilize her breath.

“Just a lot of practice,” Marina grins, slickly removing her fingers from Kady as she closes her eyes blissfully and slowly sucks Kady’s juices off of them.

“You... are not... that was not a human experience I just had,” Kady gasps in utter shock. Marina just smiles back at her, flexing those perky cheekbones. The girl drips with irresistible, unexplainable charm.

Kady turns, lifting Marina up from the shower floor and back into her embrace. “That is one tough act to follow,” the girl admits.

“It’s okay, I’ll let you off the hook this time beautiful,” Marina winks, “I’m starting to see stars again in here anyways.” She comments on the temperature of the steaming bathroom.

Kady jumps to turn the shower nozzle off and grab a towel off the rack next to them, leaving one hand firmly wrapped around Marina’s back. Marina stands still, focusing hard to narrow her vision and keep herself upright. Kady swoops the towel around Marina and begins gently wiping every last drop of water from the witch’s body.

“So, I’ll take it were even then?” Marina asks daringly, turning her head to rein-gage eye contact with Kady.

Kady‘s heart does a backflip in her chest as her head dips for a nod in response.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okkkkkk here y’all go. I have a lot of different potential directions that this story could and I’m not really sure where to go with it, so let me know if you’ve got any cool ideas! Thanks for reading guys


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